Give up… and try again!

Since the Ph.D.s didn’t work out, I decided not to push further in this direction as it might not be the right time for me. I continued applying everywhere, thinking that a job is just a job and all I would have to do is to find the time to do all the things I really enjoy doing outside of work hours. Easy! I had an interview for a consulting company in healthcare located in the mountains, in the canton of Niedwald. The job could be interesting. The career in this company might be of interest for me. But Niedwald! I can’t see myself living in Luzern, where I know absolutely no one, where it will be probably difficult to make new friends. It’s like having all the drawbacks to live abroad with none of the benefits –not even a better weather! Nevertheless I realized that although I might not absolutely want this job, having something going on helped my mood a lot. After the first interview, they told me they wanted to see me again in three weeks. Everyone was telling me “That’s really not thoughtful from them, making you waiting so long etc…” The truth is that I really liked that: I thought and told people that it was perfect because it let enough time for the perfect job to appear!

Somewhere in the canton of Niedwald

Somewhere in the canton of Niedwald

The market in January was very flat. I was hoping that one of the many companies I had applied to would contact me but it was obviously not the case. One day I was browsing aimlessly a site that offers jobs in science when I saw the first one in pages that could remotely fit me. It was a Ph.D. in neurosciences, and when I looked closer, it was in Israel! I started to really stress out. I can’t explain why, even now. It’s like an adopted child who would have looked for his parents for years and when he was about to discover who they are, would freak out and prefer not to know. I was about to close my computer and run away but my friend told me I should apply, that I didn’t commit to anything and could say no later in the process. When I saw that they wanted three recommendation letters, I thought I would never get them or at least on time so it was useless.

Gchat is awesome in helping you remember what you were thinking at any point of time. Your chat history is not subject to the distortion of souvenirs.

16:31 moi : (j suis sur le point d’appuyer sur send pour un phd en israel qui serait… parfait!) j’ai peur!

16:38 Nath: 🙂

16:39 c’est fait?

moi: non en fait je viens de voir qu’ils demandent trois lettres de recommendation… il m’en manque 2-3 😀

That means that I thought at this exact moment that this Ph.D. would be perfect for me and that I was scared that I might not succeed. How many times have I not done things because I was sure I wouldn’t succeed? I can’t even count. It’s easier to not try than to fail and be disappointed. But the real question is: “What do I have to lose?” A bit of self-esteem? A dream that fades away? If it something we really want, why wouldn’t we fight until we get it? So I applied! I said that I was super interested and wouldn’t have the recommendation letters before a few days but since I didn’t want to lose this opportunity, I was applying anyway.

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