February 2015 – At the threshold of a new life

Elections are around the corner here and everybody is asking “Who are you gonna vote for?” (Yes, in Israel, it’s not a less awkward question than “How much do you pay for your apartment?” or “Why are you not married yet?”).

Truth is, I have no idea. Everybody seems corrupted as hell and I don’t trust any politician to not lie and actually do what they promise. But I thought about it a bit and here are the propositions I haven’t heard and would vote for. The order doesn’t reflect the priority. Or maybe it does.

1. High speed unlimited internet.

2. People who don’t let others getting out of the bus or the train before entering will get a fine.

3. Also if they talk louder than a whisper on the phone in public transportation, fine.

4. If they don’t make their kids stand and give their seat to elderly people, both get a week of reeducation.

5. Those who don’t stop for pedestrian walkways lose their driving license.

6. Drivers who text/call while behind the wheel will be prosecuted as terrorists.

7. The price of a glass of wine would be fixed at 20 shekels, and not 7-10$ as it is now. Bad wine would be illegal.

8. Families who can’t afford to have kids won’t be allowed to do so. And you might also have to pass a sanity check before doing so. The law could be: you can have a child per 10’000 NIS you make a month.

9. Same goes for dogs: no dog unless your house is at least 100 times the size of the dog.

10. People who are working for customer services, including cashiers, will be requested to have a six month training in North America, with an intensive workshop called “Smiling, saying hi and thank you, how it can change your life.” 11. Protection of environment would be a thing: no more plastic bags wandering in the air, local communities would have to keep their neighborhood clean otherwise they would have the cable interrupted and those who leave their trashes in the nature after picnic would have to spend a week in Syria helping to clean the streets there. 12. All houses would have to be insulated, owners and constructors who wouldn’t do so would be expelled and have to live in the streets. Also ruins that you can find every twenty meters in Tel Aviv or Beer Sheva will be destroyed and government funded houses will be built instead, exploding the real estate bubble. 13. Weddings with more than 150 guests won’t be allowed since it has been demonstrated that you can’t maintain relationship with more people. Also, offering a cheese grinder as a present would be totally acceptable. (See Dumbar’s number) 14. Marijuana would be legal because come on, it’s easier to find than pork, and taxes would bring in much more than the ones on bacon. 15. There would be a mention “בטעם פלסטיק” on cheese that do taste like plastic. 16. Incentives to eat healthier would be reinforced.